Alyssa

Alyssa
Oklahoma, USA
N/A

I don’t really know where to start because i feel unworthy of sending this in. I have personally not anything super drastic happen to me like my other family members have. Both my mom and sister have been raped and my dad has been betrayed in the worst possible way by the people he considered family. Everyone around me is going through heartache but I struggle because they all depend on me. My mom is selfish and would let everyone and anyone die before she tried to help. My dad is so depressed he can’t keep up anymore so i am left to raise my sister. She is my best friend but everyday i relive the moments where she tried to kill her self more than once. They all rely on me to be perfect when inside i feel hopeless. It is too much to be my dad’s emotional punching bag, the mom to my sister, and maintain trying to be healthy. Every day over again i want to die because i deserve something bad to happen to me. Not them. I can’t hurt myself or they would see. I can’t cry because they would fall apart. I can’t be me because i have to maintain my mask. I have to be bury it all because they couldn’t handle it. But we have choices in our circumstances, so for now I’m choosing to try. I’m going to try to get through this.